To Be Honest


To Be Honest, life as a Christian is not all butterflies and rainbows. If anything being a Christian develops more uncertainty for this life. The biggest set goal is eternity in heaven. Other than that as a Christian your moral compass gets set to North and you get a pit of guilt in your stomach when you know you did something against the Word of God. Even so, as a Christian, it does not mean you do not keep on doing what you know is wrong. In fact, you try to justify your sin with some Bible verse. You may even become immune or deaf to the compass for particular sins. Some sins you stay away from because they are the “deadly sins,” which just means your selfish desire is not tempted by them.  


The path of uncertainty is really terrible. As a Christian you now know your life is not your own, so you set it aside for God. What I feel is not mentioned enough is the fact that setting aside your life for God does not mean you will automatically know what God wants you to do. It can often feel like God does not want your life, because you feel like He has given you no direction. The only thing you are sure of is that you want to love Jesus more and more each year until you meet Him in heaven. You are tormented by thought after thought as you wait. For example, maybe God made a mistake or I made a mistake and I am not one of the predestined chosen ones. Or here I thought God wanted to live through me yet when I set aside my life for Him He is silent. The battle for your mind is like a tug of war game with two sides battling for you. One, God, will give you the crown of life while the other will simply keep you as a trophy to mock God.
 
As part of the Christian life it means that some of life will be based on trials and tests of your faith. God in moments can be silent and it is during these moments that He is entrusting you to make it through this test of trusting and having faith in Him. Will you chose God at the end of silence knowing the promise of life is still there? Think of the Israelites and the four hundred year silence between the Old and New Testament.  Some had wandered from the truth, some were so stubborn they missed the Messiah, and some had faith that God fulfills promises like Simon.      
When David wrote in Psalm 119 “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet” he was not joking. A sort of darkness surrounds the feet of a Christian when we do not hold the Word close to us. Not darkness in the sense of evil, but a darkness of cluelessness or rather a sense of uncertainty.  David does not write God’s Word is a beacon to our path but a lamp. A lamp is to be held close and will not light the whole path, but certainly the part of the path you need to see.  
 
There is this place I love to go for walks no matter what time of day it is during the summer.  This place is a safe place even for a girl to be out walking at 2AM. At this one point in the path the street lights have a large gap between them, which makes for a great place to see the numerous stars in the sky. I walk this path often at least once a day during the summer months, but no matter what I fall off the path into the sand. You would think I should know this path like the back of my hand, yet when I get distracted I easily fall off the path. Distractions such as the stars-something appeasing to the eyes, the sound of the lake-other noises or voices, or perhaps the biggest distraction being this path is right by a guy’s house I used to have a crush on-interest in something or someone else. On a really clear night the moon lights the path and I find myself easily navigating the path mostly due to other distractions being drowned out by the light. There is no way I am going to let the guy see me stumble now that I am lit up, the stars are not as easily seen, and you can see the lake for what it is-just a noise.      
 
See, being a Christian does not mean you know what this life has in store for you. The only thing you really can do is hold on to the Word of God. To know that no matter what you face in this life God does fulfill His promises, just not necessarily how we would want them to be fulfilled.
 
For a long time I have struggled and am still struggling with the path of uncertainty about what this life on earth will look like. This blog and the website are just a couple of the steps the Lamp has lit up for me to take.    

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