Frenemies

Do you ever think about the teachers, mentors, friends or frenemies in your life that God uses to help change and mold you into who you are today? I personally do. I love to think about what instances in my life were changed by the friendships or difficult relationships. Though I admit I have a hard time being thankful for the frenemies or “difficult” people in my life. With difficult relationships I think it is hard to admit I really needed them to change me. They bring out what is not good in me, selfishness, hatred, bitterness, or quickness to anger. Sometimes the strongest change comes from people you may not get along with or even like. Often people are put into our life to shake us of what God sees as not so good in us and to encourage what is good in us.  

 

I am reminded of the musical Wicked in which two complete opposite girls are put as roommates. One of the first songs they sing is about “loathing, unadulterated loathing” for each other. However, by the end, they both are very thankful for having been changed by each other. If only life was an easy two and a half hour process to be shaken of things God does not want in us anymore. 

 

A few years ago a really difficult relationship shook me up a lot. I was in a pageant and this girl, who had not put in any work for the pageant, won the flower crown. I had already been runner up two years prior. My friend, being protective/frustrated, said some things about the girl that caused a whole sort of ruckus. It was such a mess. What I learned was that the gain/loss of a flower crown came with a great cost. A lot of compromises had to made in order to win that crown, of which I was not going to have any part of. Nonetheless, I had in the past let the flower crown hurt some really good friendships. Not all difficult relationships end in friendship. I did not become friends with the girl who won, but I did learn from the relationship of my own wrongs. If I had won, I am not sure I would have learned the lessons I have since. The hurt and mess of that year caused me to change for good. Every once in a while, pain is brought to mind as I think about the whole situation, which just reminds me I still have some things to learn from it.  

 

Romans 8:28 states, “We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose.” With a humble heart these difficult relationships in life can be teachable moments. It is easy to point the finger at someone else to say they are the problem or they need to change. When what we really need is the plank pulled out of our own eye. None of us are perfect and I am sure we all rub people the wrong way at times. As Christians we need to look to our Savior as to how can we learn from this relationship and become more like Jesus.  But, the minute we open our heart up to let God move into the relationships in our life, he moves some furniture around and throws the trash out. No longer can we just ignore our own faults. New beginnings and healings come from giving up the right to be angry and having to be right all the time.  It is a chance to allow God to teach us in the midst of difficult relationships about how we can grow and change from them. 

 

My life has been affected, helped, and encouraged to become better by the difficult relationships. There is the song by Stephen Schwartz named “For Good”, which he created for the musical Wicked that perfectly fits the way I feel about these teaching relationships. The lyrics state, ‘People come into our life for a reason bringing something we must learn. And we are led to those who will help us most grow….’ The song ends, ‘Because I knew you I have been changed for good’. My prayer is to have the unoffendable heart that is humble enough to say, I have been changed for good, and for this, I am thankful for those difficult relationships that hopefully one day turn into friendships.