What If Friendships are on a Time Clock?

Last Sunday Lighthouse had a half-time report of a two-year planned journey. There is a set of goals that in two years the church wants to accomplish. One year is done and there is still work to be done. The half-time report was a chance to commend the congregation on what they have accomplished toward the goals while also reminding the congregation what still needs effort. 

While, I appreciated sitting in learning about Lighthouse’s met and unmet goals, what it inspired me to do is to ask the hard question of Kathy. On Monday, I asked her for a half-time report of this journey she and I are on together. By opening the conversation, I gave Kathy full permission to speak into me frustrations and even offered her the chance to say we have done as much as we can together let’s part ways. Part of my reason for asking this of Kathy is because I do not want her to keep me around just because I sense I am supposed to be here. 

Two weeks ago, I reached out to my closest childhood friend, whom I had a fight with this past summer. I felt God press on my heart to reach out to my friend to tell her I missed her and loved her. My call got fielded to voicemail and later responded to by text. The way the conversation ended was with my friend saying, “I appreciate that and wish you nothing but the best for you.” Let’s just say I do not see that friendship healing anytime soon. While the words exchanged were not malicious what they did bring back was memories of what another friend told me as a young teen. That friend said, ‘I never really wanted to be your friend. You were just so desperate, so I felt I had to be your friend.’

Both friendships left me with a feeling of being a pity friend. I do not want to be kept around out of pity. God has worked in my heart to forgive and not let bitterness grow by praying for them. I still ache at the scars these friendships left. Yet, I still love and part of me will always love those friends for the part they played in my story.

A remnant result of these hard moments in my friendships came to the surface in the insecurity of why I asked Kathy for a half-time report with gave her permission to send me home. I do not want Kathy to keep me around out of pity just because I am so desperate to be here. 

On Tuesday, Kathy and I had our half-time report meeting. It turned out Kathy and I really needed to have the meeting. Kathy shared some concerns she has with me and I was able to respond and share. It was a great meeting. What stood out most to me is my misinterpretation of something Kathy said on my third day here in Richmond. The misinterpretation has flavored so much of my approach to this whole journey. It has been the cause of some unnecessary sandpaper moments.    

What bothers me even more is Kathy and I are on a time clock. We have two months to make a go of this internship. One month went by completely tainted by a wrong understanding. I hate to think what I missed out on having not clarified with Kathy sooner what she meant. We missed out on what God could have wanted to do with us.  

As I was talking with my sister about my frustration in my timed friendship, she said to me all friendships are on a time clock. In other words, we do not know when a friendship will end or even begin. Tomorrow a friend could not even wake up and a friendship is ended. I have experienced first-hand just two-weeks ago how quickly a friendship of 30 years can end over some words said. 

In this book I am reading by Debbie Lindell entitled She Believes: Embracing the Life You Were Created to Live she has two chapters talking about friendship. I listened to the book on tape and cried through most of the friendship chapters. Granted crying seems to be a new habit I have picked up, so me crying does not say much. Nonetheless, Debbie Lindell writes, “But others [friendships] will be there for a season, and then, for various reasons, that friend or group of friends might move on and even move completely out of your life…Everything has a season, even friendships.”  

Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds, “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under the sun.” Friendships are all on a time clock or should be treated with the same caution and urgency. Valued for what the friendship brings into your life for however long the season they are there. Given the chance to grow and morph and be let go. Friendships are hard work. Sometimes they need a half-time report to make sure y’all are on the same page. If not on the same page can it be reconciled or do y’all need to let go for the time?   

Part of me wonders if I had done a half-time report with my friend, could I have saved it? Then I am reminded no friendship is guaranteed to last a lifetime except for one, a friendship with Jesus. And that friend sticks closer than glue. Thank You, Jesus, for being the friend that never leaves nor forsakes me.